…but first I have a few things to get off my chest.

 

Writing a Food Blog is a complete exercise in futility. The amount of work to keep you guys interested vis-a-vis pictures and recipes and writing is harder work than I ever did while actually pulling in a salary; which a Food Blog does not.

 

Social Media is a sham. Those who are already and have been in the spotlight through their own talents now have to hire extra staff just to Tweet and run a Facebook account and I laugh when I see titles in Eater that state @??? said …..

 

@? said nothing. @?’s intern may have said it or his/her assistant may have said it but there is no way it came from the mouth or hand of the account holders name. That is a laugh.  Ghost writing, however, is not.  There is nothing wrong with a Ghost writer who has the ability to write and tell a cohesive life story of an individual who cannot, themselves, write such a story.

 

I feel bad for those whose living is made on Food Television, because if you are not mentioned in any format that writes about Food for more than 3 days then your Publicist is not doing her job and her job is to make sure whether good or bad; publicity with your name attached has to be on the net somewhere.

 

“Chef’ is the new movie star. ‘Chef’ doesn’t really cook any more.  “Chef probably forgot how to cook and all he does now is emcee cooking shows pretending to be Reality Shows.  I mean, really, Around The World in 80 Plates…get real.  The last time I saw Curtis Stone cooking was when he was accosting women in L A Supermarkets and taking them home to cook for their husbands…that’s a chef?  Hell, if he accosted me in a Supermarket that would be the LAST thing I would want to do with him at my house…I could think of a whole lot of other stuff I would and could do with him…just not in the kitchen…actually could be in the kitchen come to think of it…

Given the look that Joe Bastianich gives each contestant on Masterchef is a sad laugh.  No one can compete with Gordon Ramsay in the role of angriest and meanest man in the Food World.  Thankfully those producers had the good sense to put Gordon Elliot as monkey in the middle, because he isn’t really acting he seems to be genuine.  Joe – take some lessons. Your good at running successful restaurants and your newest book Restaurant Man is engaging and enlightening, but for a man who sometimes guest stars on his mother’s cooking show and never once looks up into the camera at us viewers, you are coming across as a bad actor on an audition.  Or you are entirely intimidated by your mother and her presence and thus Gordon Ramsay as well.

 

Whether or not Restaurant Man was Ghost-written, I am in the midst of it and can’t put it down.  I give him great cudos for his open-ness especially given that Lidia is reading it too.  My first tattoo was done only when my Mother died because even though I was 40 at the time I would not have done it given her reaction.  See, in ‘the olden days’ we kids were brought up not just to respect our parents but to instinctively know what they expected of us.  Tattoos and Marijuana were two.

 

 

 

Good for Ottavia Bourdain. I once told Michael Ruhlman a long long time ago to get him to video his blog. To date he has done some videos and they are enjoyable and interesting that it is White on Rice who does the videography and amazing more so that I like their technique. I also told him to make himself visible in face and not just in words. Of course he won’t remember it was I who suggested it a while back and that is okay.  I am sure many have told him and he gladly has done it successfully.

 

Ottavia Bourdain and her internet television show is what I thought would take over directly after Vlogging, years ago. She is doing it now. Good for her. Most of the young people under the age of 35 that I know only watch their computers be it television shows or YouTube videos and just like they don’t own land-line telephones and most don’t own televisions.

 

This must be an amazing feat to produce, direct and film.  If she needs an actress, I know of someone dear to me.

 

Of course whether CNN will approve if she becomes popular is another story for her husband; I could see the conflict of interest, if just in the medium of how it is televised via an internet show. Can we call it an internet television show? I think we have to market a new name for such avenues that will be soon televised only on the internet.

 

For God’s sake Canada and the CRTC get your act together and stop banning the videos across airwaves. We can and should be allowed to watch a video posted by any of the active Networks; I promise we Canadians will still buy Cable and Bell. Well the 40+,who live in Quebec, will still buy Videotron and Bell, I think.

 

Although I find myself wanting to order my newspaper and magazines over the web I enjoy the feel of the hard copy so Magazines I think are here to stay especially the Gossip Magazines and the ones that I love the most which are Food Magazines.

 

In ‘my day’ walking the dog meant carrying many nickels to buy Kool-Aid from the kids stands but today I have to carry $2.50 to buy Energy Drinks being sold on the corner.

 

The times they are a changing.

 

One last thing take a look at this: I saw it in action at a Sushi Shop and then googled it and what a riot and laugh I got out of it. Even, apparently, rolling sushi is too difficult for the masses…. here is the home version and again I say “Only in Japan’.

 

 

 

 

I certainly can’t leave out my most favorite product that illustrates just how exactly LAZY I really am…watch with disbelief and know that without this in my repertoire of things I love and have discovered by accident I would or could not be called Natalie Luffer Sztern

 

 

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BAD BACK.

 

BAD BACK.

 

BAD BACK.

 

CANNOT SIT.

 

CANNOT SIT.

 

EMPRACET MAKES ME DRUGGY

 

EMPRACET MAKES ME DRUGGY

 

I WILL BE TAKING A SABBATICAL TO HEAL, READ, AND UPDATE MY KNOWLEDGE ON JAPANESE CUISINE FOR MY RETURN TO BLOGGING.

i hope i will return with a wealth of information.

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a plate of Joanne's Matzoh Brittle

a plate of Joanne's Matzoh Brittle

Originally posted last Passover.  It took the year to loose the 10 lbs Joanne’s Matzoh Brittle added to my ‘bum’ and let me tell y’all right now that I don’t have implants in my derriere; much to Coco and Ice-T’s chagrin and the Kardashian clan….so when I walk down the street please don’t yell out “look at that fat flabby ass!”.   (yes you know who you are and btw it was in the Bahamas, you putz)

Alors, it is soon time for the dreaded Matzoh to take over our kitchens.  Most of us have begun to paper up our ‘everyday’ pantry and pack away or shutter our everyday dishes and their cupboard doors in preparation of Passover.

matzoh

It is the one time of year I pig out on desserts; it seems to be the only way I can get satisfied and be happy that I celebrate Passover.  Actually I had fabulous news from my Optometrist (who is different than my Opthamologist who is different from my Dispensing Optician)at my 11:00 appointment yesterday.  He had a new machine for retina examinations which take a full digital picture of what is happening behind the eight ball otherwise known as my eyeball.

Being Diabetic, I go once a year and I encourage all Diabetics to do this.  Medicare does not cover eye exams but it is a necessary step in life as one ages.  In order to take the picture he had to dilate my pupils completely and so for the following 5 hours I could bear no sunlight or daylight and I looked like an Alien with glass for eyes.  No wonder I kept getting stares at the Pharmacy.   I even got scared myself when I glanced in the mirror – Wow! I have never seen an eye without dark pupils.

And let’s face it; for those in the know when you smoke the funny stuff they get bigger and not smaller.

Anyhoo this is far too long but the gist is that if I had not told Dr. Rheaume I had Diabetes he would not be able to tell from the picture of the eye he saw on his screen.  It is the eye of a healthy twenty year old., so he said and since there wasn’t a twenty-year old in the room I assumed he meant me.  Nope, not a sign of Diabetes anywhere and usually the Doc  says that in a healthy person there is always some slight bleeding of blood vessels; it is never as clear as mine showed to be.

PREPARED PAN FOR BRITTLE

PREPARED PAN FOR BRITTLE

That is what I have been telling my husband all the time; that he is married to a twenty year old.

Truth be told; I don’t bake.  I am not a baker so when I read blogs about baking and cookie-making it is just something I cannot connect with and this is the precise reason I have healthy eyes and don’t suffer any ill effects of having this disease.

LAY MATZOH TO COVER PAN

LAY MATZOH TO COVER PAN

The dog needed to pee and get some exercise and in my house that means a trek to the dog run.  In the summer we walk however in the lazy weeks till summer hits us, I drive.  Inevitably the dog park is amok with dogs and their owners and at the onset of every single holiday; be it Jewish, Christian, or Muslim we talk recipes and food.  In that vein and that subject we all have something to say.

Last year though, Joanne brought us all a nosh.  She had made ‘her‘ Matzoh Brittle and rambled the recipe off her tongue, after all, she has been making it since she could remember.

This year is no different and I was lucky to meet up with her and get the recipe just one more time.  That, together with a reminder phone call, came a snack I will be nibbling.

BUTTER, BROWN SUGAR AND PECANS

BUTTER, BROWN SUGAR AND PECANS

I looked it up on the net and there are thousands of Matzoh Brittle recipes out there but not one is the same as Joanne’s.  So, in honor of all the dogs… uhhh… I mean people out there who want to surprise their friends, neighbors and family this is the perfect way and I can so see Joanne’s Matzoh Brittle packaged as a gift for the Hostess of this year’s Seder, for the kids to take home and for just a general nosh while watching The Amazing Race.

CARAMEL SOFTENING STAGE

CARAMEL SOFTENING STAGE

POURED CARAMEL ON MATZOH

POURED CARAMEL ON MATZOH

SEMI-SWEET CHOCOLATE AND SLIVERED ALMONDS

SEMI-SWEET CHOCOLATE AND SLIVERED ALMONDS

CHOCOLATE CHIPS SPRINKLED ON

CHOCOLATE CHIPS SPRINKLED ON

SMEAR AS THE CHOCOLATE SOFTENS FROM THE HEAT OUT OF THE OVEN

SMEAR AS THE CHOCOLATE SOFTENS FROM THE HEAT OUT OF THE OVEN

ADD SLIVERED ALMONDS AND FREEZE

ADD SLIVERED ALMONDS AND FREEZE

Thanks Joanne; and for all my readers I give to you the ultimate of Brittle’s…

Joanne’s Matzoh Brittle

1 cup of unsalted Butter
1 cup Brown Sugar

1-1 1/2 cups whole salted Pecans (Joanne says she uses a lot because who doesn’t like Pecans?)-obviously I used Cashews…

sheets of Matzoth to line pan
1/4-1/2 cup sliced Almonds
1/2 cup of Semi-sweet Chocolate chips or broken chocolate bar

Preheat oven to 350.  Line a sheet pan with tin foil and spray with non-stick cooking spray.

Line full sheets of matzoh until the sheet pan is covered and it is okay to break the matzoh to fill in gaps.

Place the butter, brown sugar and pecans in a pot and over medium heat bring to a slight boil/simmer.  It creates a caramel sauce.  Carefully continue to stir this mixture for another 3 minutes until butterscotch in color.

Carefully pour the mixture over the matzoh.  Remember it is hot and can burn.
With a spatula or the back of a spoon spread the caramel mixture over the matzoh.

Place in the oven at 350 for 7 minutes and take out.  Immediately place the semi-sweet chocolate over the hot matzoh and as it begins to melt spread it to cover the entire matzoh tray.  Sprinkle the sliced or chopped Almonds and place in the freezer when at room temperature.  Freeze for 1 hour or longer until it can crack.

Once cooled break it into pieces and serve.

OKAY THIS IS NOT FUNNY I CANNOT STOP EATING THIS BRITTLE: I NEED INTERVENTION ….

Between the first and second picture who can find the missing piece?

Between the first and second picture who can find the missing piece?

(what is it about salt and chocolate that is so addictive?)

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